I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
