I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
