...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
