I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
