your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
