Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
