One girl and one boy is just not enough.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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