chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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