I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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