Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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