he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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