The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
