**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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