my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
