Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
