Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
