Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize