you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
