Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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