Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Everclear isn't food dammit
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
