I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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