dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
