they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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