VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
