I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
