chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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