My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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