If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
