No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Randomize
