Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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