I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
this will be a night to untag.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
