Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
