Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
