Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
