I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When are your genitals available?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
