but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
