I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
