why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
