Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
