i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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