Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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