You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
