So drunk its hurt
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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