honey bunches of taint.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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