I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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