ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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