Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize