I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
