Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Someone came in the potted fern
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
