I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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