Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
