My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
