The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
