All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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