Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
