even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
