no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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