she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
