I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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