Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
