The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
