Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
