Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
