Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
