That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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