so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
