i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
