it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
