The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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