maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
