so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize