Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
