Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
