i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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