Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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