The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
