how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I will pee on everything he values.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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