Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
